...This is gonna hurt me to say (type) outloud...
I don't like to admit when my best friend is right. It pains me. Idc idc idc. He is a Leo and I don't need to give him any additional reasons to be extra and ammo for future arguments (cause with a Leo there will always future arguments). I actually pray this is the one post he doesn't read cause the petty to follow will be abundant. But *sigh*, a while ago, he said I was a masochist. And, I'm not gonna hold him, that might be the most accurate thing he has ever said about me.
As many people know I have 3 jobs (update – when I originally wrote this, I had three. I now have two. Baby steps). Not three part time jobs, but a full time career and two side jobs (one of which is overnight). Why the hell would I do that to myself? Because I'm a -
say it all together ladies and gentleman - masochist.
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| Have you ever cried on big bosoms? |
I didn't make the best decisions when I was younger (but who does). I spent money on people, places, and things irresponsibly, and didn't think of the long term effects. I blame Drake and the term YOLO. When I FINALLY started to get my financial situation together, life came at me faster than someone on their third strike being chased by cops.
So I made the decision about a year or so ago to get a second job (which turned into a second and third…) and suffer for a bit so I can make up for my past mistakes. It's not a horrible idea. Mistakes happen, but its what you do about them that shape who you are right?
But here is the problem. Why am I willingly
suffering? The mind frame that I put myself in a position to SUFFER. Doesn't everyone fuck up? Does that mean we deserved to be punished? Does that mean being human comes with self inflicted hardship? Like we don't have enough external issues in life... why do we create more stress for ourselves?
It took me a while to realize that I don't have to be a martyr. Like, even when I wasn’t doing something martyr-like, I actually felt bad about it. However, it didn't make me feel better at all. I realized I can enjoy life and make the necessary compromises. We have to realize that
sacrifice doesn't not equal suffering. We don't have to beat ourselves up for not fulfilling a dream. If anything we should be uplifting ourselves, especially when we make mistake, to make sure we turn that vision into a reality.
Fast forward to present day:I got reminded of this little tidbit I wrote in my Evernote app by my Shine text this morning and I figures with the beginning of 2018 (which I have an amazing feeling about) here and this opportunity for fresh starts, you’s need the reminder too.
“You are not your mistakes, *
insert your name here*. You’re much more. Remember—the best thing you can do is show up and be kind to yourself.”
