Your reminder for the new year...

by and unknown pastor via Tyriel in GroupMe

It's not the load that weighs you down, its how you carry it

Auntie Lena be knowing...

Take a minute and read this Her Agenda post about healing through life's painful moments.

Don't worry men... It applies to you too!

Dont let the filter get you fucked up...

Here is your random lesson on disappointment…

IG is the devil.

These past few months, I been in a weird space. Happy for the most part but I been feeling really blah/ugly.

PSA - Save the "girllllll you so fine” “What? You crazy?” “Love yourself” STFU SIO”. We all have moments of self-consciousness and insecurity. Its what you do about it and handle it that is truly the testament for who you are and how far it goes.  I remind myself everyday I’m magic and fuck who don’t agree. Its just some days I don’t listen as much as others.

Anywho, I think with the lack of time for the gym (this is where I tell my trainer to please stop side eyeing me), because of my crazy work schedule, I just been off.  So instead of making more time for the proven solutions, I decided to go blonde. Lmao. Keep your judgement. I embarked on this blond balayage dream journey. My hair dresser Gabrielle Corney has been amazing. She didn't lie to me and told me exactly what I needed to do and that it wouldn’t be easy removing the black from my ends (because I can’t just leave my hair alone) and preserving my curls. But it could be done. I went a fire red, and then a golden blonde (it still wasn’t right but we need time before sessions to make sure I wasn’t bald and that black color was stubborn baybeee).  After this last session I thought I was Beyonce and straighten my hair and retouched it a few times with the flat iron….

*It was then she knew she had fucked up*

(Guys if I’m losing you, I’m about to bring it back to the point).

I had some heat damage on my curls. I was tight. I am definitely an instant gratification person and I was already way past my patience level. Plus, this color was supposed to make me feel more beautiful and here I was feeling defeated.  But I promised myself a more patient. I trucked on. Waited and MOST of my curls came back. I love my hair long but I ain’t in the game of holding on to things that are not repairable *coughanymorecough*.

Now pay attention because this is where everything hit home.

My best friend and me have been lusting over the cuts of a popular hair stylist on IG (I won't name her because from what I know, she is VERY talented). We were hype as hell to get these appointments and get these curls cut and shut the damn game down. Went together to get “our lives changed”. I sat in her chair all excited, show her what I am looking for, explain in detail cause I am very knowledgeable about my own hair, and wait for the magic to happen.

The way she hacked at my hair I felt like I was in a cartoon.

I watched her cut my curls with no rhyme or reason. Just go in like Edward Scissorhands.

Now I’m panicking…
 
But I am being patient and saying to myself I’m being dramatic. Immediately I hate it, Saturday and Sunday it's in a puff so I tolerate it… and then Monday I wash it…

And then I realized I had a mullet.

I was about to go back to Caesar Sio. I had had it. I was done. In the midst of all the the other crazy shit I had going on in my life, my hair was a mess and it was the last m*f*ing straw. I had my last color session with Gabby and I was over it. Ready to tell her taper it with the color and ill figure it out later. She even tried to convince me it wasn’t that bad under she tuned got to the back of my blow dried hair and said “Ohhh” Lol.

She refused to cut it and forced on me the patience I swore I lost. She colored my hair beautifully, and we made a plan to get my life back together.

Ok. Story done. So, what’s the lesson here? That disappointment is inevitable in life, especially when we chose a road that isn’t the exact right one.  Short cuts are just faster ways to get to the wrong destination.  Now my hair isn’t perfect, but I’m going to be patient and not do something rash that will turn my  “not the best decision” into “bitch you played yourself”.  No one is making ALL the right decisions, but it's how we handle disappointment of those losses that helps us to make the right ones when split decisions come again. Some of my most impactful and appreciated lessons were hidden in the depths of the most devastating disappointments. It’s so much easier said than done… but we all need the reminder right?

The real lesson though: Everything looks better on the IG honeys, including hair.

 

Get comfortable with being uncomfortable

One of my favorite books to read in 2017 was Luvvie Ajayi's I'm Judging You. Then, to meet her at TED2017 and realize she is in fact judging people, (she is a Capricorn woman, the day before me, so I am not shocked and understand and appreciate her judgemental ways),  she gained my full support.

Fast foward to her having an amazing year (via what I saw on IG land) and one of the tours she was working with ended up at TEDWomen 2017. Our convo went from:

Me: hey are you coming to TEDWomen?
Luvvie: No. I'm hosting something else so I can't make it.

to..

Luvvie: Hey I think I'm coming to TEDWomen.

That was code for her humbly letting me know she was OPENING the whole damn conference.

(I obviously knew already).

Her talk, Get comfortable with being uncomfortable, definitely in my top 5 of the conference and will definitely be on my list of goto's on my favorites playlist.

Enjoy the reminder (and her sarcasm... cause Capricorn)

Black men, I love yall but damn...

Back inna di day, I had a little blog called Random Epiphanys (I know, I'm not the best at naming things), and in 2011 when For Colored Girls movie came out, every black woman was feeling empowered and strong...

But back on the testosterone ranch, they were in a tizzy hunaaaaay.

I was so confused. Like, we couldn't have a bloodclot minute? I angrily wrote For Colored Guys because I just did NOT get it.

Fast forward to good ole 2017. Where blacks people are getting shot down like a carnival game, women are finally coming out about sexual assault and everyone is shocked (but women), and in the midst of all the negativity, black women are having a revolution. We are seeing our worth and shining in it. We are sprinkling our Black Girl Magic for all to see are trying to use it to counteract this shit show of a year we are living in. Last night, they came out like a bunch of Deltas who just crossed strolling to get on my level (I'm assuming that still their hype song and we didn't leave that in 2006), and voted in Alabama to BARELY keep a pedophile from winning the senate race.

5 minutes into the celebration... Black men held up there index finger like *wait a minute girl* we held it down too. Reminded us that they were there too and why should we get all the credit.

"The most disrespected woman in America, is the black woman. The most un-protected person in America is the black woman. The most neglected person in America, is the black woman." - Malcolm X

We deal with it from all sides, but it's a special type of hurt when our own men dont celebrate us. Don't bask in our power. Don't celebrate our wins in unison with us. If the lack of respect from other races is the knife in our heart, from our own men, it is the twist to seal the deal.

I wish our men realized how gut wrenching it is for our look of pride to be met with gazes of disdain, threats, and intimidation. It's to the point where the times we find love and validation in a gaze is from our own women (or mirror but that's a different covno)

I never understood why we are so quick to downplay someone else to make sure our shine is seen. If this was a once off occurrence I'd be annoyed but shocked. However, at this point I'm anticipatory and disgusted.

The rant on my soul can never be summed up into a post. I dont even know if they allow that many characters. But what can put into words is this request..

There is so little love, appreciation, and respect for the black woman, that I pray black men will always be our advocates and never our adversaries.

Hey Fran, Hey

Most of y'all know one of my favorite hippies in the game is Hey Fran hey. She is one of the most beautiful spirits I've met in this life. When getting more in tune with natural remedies and my spiritual side, she was my original main resource. She shared in this article some tips for self-care in 2017, but somethings are OK to take with us into the new year.

What are you thankful for?

Someone asked what I’m most grateful last week... cause Thanksgiving obviously. I usually hit everyone with the usual: God, family, friends, this skin, my hair, a roof over my head, my job, sea salt caramel Talenti, etc.

This time, I was hit with a little inspiration making me change my answer. I’m grateful for my life not going as planned. If you know anything about my past, you know this life I’m living now, it’s not even closed to the one 22 year old Sioban dreamed of. 10 years ago I thought I’d have an MBA, a husband, two kids, a house, a cat, and a collection of tailored skirt suits, and a Lexus truck.

Now, I’m here, 10 years later,  2018 and 33 about to sneak me like a fight video on worldstar, I always dread my rent bill, I'm single (and very unimpressed by what’s available - I actually am about to start officially claiming asexual), laughing at the thought at more school loans, and borrowing people’s children to get my baby fix. I also despise the thought of suits and anything but an Audi. 

I still love cats but my friends said they won't visit me if I get one 

You would think I’d be the living Mr. Krabs meme. And don’t let em be fake, I have my moments where I'm like...

 

but overall I’m so thankful for my vision going to shit. 

Someone said instead of focusing on goals yet achieved to "find happiness",  focus on the milestones  you hit already. There is joy in knowing you have accomplished things and will again.

Also, I wrote this top part of this last week. Since then, I know someone or know someone who knows someone who has died. 4 someones actually. I couldn't publish this post about gratitude without reminding you that every breath you and the people you love take, is a gift.

Be thankful.

It's the most wonderful time of year....

For everyone who knew Chance the Rapper and Jeremiah had a Christmas album and didn't tell me (cause y'all know I love the holidays) shame on y'all.

I actually love this topic

Talks to fight imposter syndrome
 

Real G's move in silence like ....

Why activism needs introverts

Got an idea worth spreading?

TED is doing their Idea Search again. Again, I am not the plug (seriously I am not). If interested, head on over to the TED Blog and submit your idea! Its due by noon, Tuesday, December 5th.

Service is the rent we pay for the privilege of living on this earth.

In the spirit of gratitude and giving, I got some stuff for yall.

Service is the rent we pay for the privilege of living on this earth: Some of you may remember C.O.O.L. Kids. For those that don't, you missed out.

Just kidding! We byke. Creating Our Own Legacy (C.O.O.L.) Kids is a non-profit organization committed to cultivating the next generation to become socially conscious leaders. Through volunteerism,community collaboration, and leadership development, C.O.O.L. Kids offers service oriented leadership opportunities for children and young adults. In this way, we can sculpt the youth into service minded citizens by virtue of meaningful philanthropy.

Now that I have you the official mission, and you're obviously interested, we are having our annual holiday party, and this year the holiday party is returning to Harlem! On Saturday, December 16th, C.O.O.L. Kids will partner with the Be Gr8 Foundation and Y.U.N.G Harlem to serve children at the Harlem Center Police Athletic League.

This week only, all donations up to $3,000 will be matched this week. So whether you donate $25 or $250, now is the chance to double your donation. All donations will support the upcoming C.O.O.L. Kids holiday party.

During the holiday party 165 children ages 5-14 will enjoy a day of entertainment and fun that includes  lunch, activities, carnival games, free books, and a present of their choice from “Toyland.” To instill the C.O.O.L. Kids spirit of giving, the youth attending the holiday party will create cards for children at Harlem Hospital.

If you want to donate money/toys or volunteer, check the website or hit me up by replying to this email.

Not ready to let go of Summer 17?

Come out to Randall's Island, this Saturday, September 16th for the #BeTheBetter Adult Funday. ​A day to enjoy fun games (you can play or watch the flag football and kickball tournament), and picnic with dope adults from the tri-state area*. Register here.

 

The event is free, but donations are being requested, and all proceeds will go to support Action for Healthy Kids to help fight childhood obesity within our communities.

 

 

 

* - Event is ​BYOM (music) | BYOB (Blankets)

Sometimes cleaning to Lil Uzi Vert aint it

... though that sassy shoulder he does probably looks great with a broom in hand...

There a scene from I think I love my wife, with Chris Rock and Kerry Washington, and she tells him that he has "nigga ears."

 

(she also goes on to say "white people can make good music too", which is true but irrelevant for this post)

 

Every Sunday, Scottie Beam drops a playlist called Sundays at Scottie's. and they are bringing some gems I completely forgot about. So far my favorite is 003, but click the link in her bio or search her page for all the playlists.

This finna be a breeze big fella..

One of the biggest mistakes I have ever made was getting just TSA Precheck instead of Global Entry.

(I might be being dramatic but whateva)

For about 30 dollars or so more than Precheck, you can get Global Entry (which included Precheck) and breeze through customs. Young, dumb, new to the travel lifestyle Sio didn't know that, and just got Precheck. And as my salary increased, and so did my desire to leave the country, I kicked myself every time on the way back home fornhaving to stand in that long customs line.

Not. No. Mo'.

A frequent traveler who joined my safari in Tanzania told me about Mobile Passport. It's an app that you download, and about 4 hours before you get to customs, you fill out the information. Then, you enter the designated line (usually the same line diplomats go through) and boom! You're through in minutes.

Pro tip: Even if you have Global Entry, still download since its free. I know people who say that Mobile Passport line is shorter than Global Entry sometimes. #WheelsUp

You have to work twice as hard to be half as good.

"Our failures are considered the rule and our success is considered the exception." Luvvie Ajayi

Rhonesha Byng of HerAgenda, interviewed 4 women in a thoughtful Forbes.com article "Failure Is Not An Option: The Pressure Black Women Feel To Succeed"

Its an amazing read, and gives you a quick reminder of how amazing it is to be a black woman or love one (or both).

This that Grey Poupon, that Evian, that TED Talk

I was in Tanzania, working TEDGlobal 2017, and my Lord was it a task. So many amazing people coming together in Arusha, to celebrate, uplift and find solutions for the continent of Africa. However, I rarely get to see the talks while onsite. This time though, while working and running around, a soft, thoughtful, and poetic voice beckoned my attention to the simulcast area. There on the big screen, OluTimehin Adegbeye passionately spoke about how the government land grabs are destroying the lives of thousands who live in the coastal communities of Lagos, Nigeria, to make way for a "new Dubai." She easily became my favorite talk, and favorite person (she twerked in celebration, and put in her TED bio "Ask me about Osun and Cardi B).

Also, 2017 has less than 4 months left. Now is a better time than any to start planning for 2018 (I actually recommend it). Check out these talks on goals.

God loves to show off.

My grandfather, Basil Massiah, was the smartest man I know. He would sit me down for hours, before I was even in elementary school, and teach me about flora and fauna, and the Serengeti and all the places all over the world. I used to cry my ass off to make it stop. Like a dramatic anguished cry that may or may not have had the word Lucifer thrown in there a few times. Begging my mother, grandmother, or aunts to save me and let me watch Power Rangers or Doug. When he passed away, I sat up in bed one night, sobbing alone, and begging God for one more lesson from him. I would give anything to learn just one more thing.

Never let anyone tell you God doesn't answer prayers.

As we drove up the Ngorongoro Crater, our Safari leader, Tommie, aka Tiger (I obviously didn't call him Tommie) said that this has the largest variety of fauna and flora together in the world. Suddenly, I felt my grandfather. All the things he had taught me about, all the things I didn't give a damn about when I was younger, but would pay my last dime to hear him talk about, I was surrounded by.  He brought me here. I knew it. I wondered if he was proud. Or if he saw it from heaven...

So here I am, in a safari jeep with 5 co-workers, choking back sobs of mourning for my favorite teacher. I was heartbroken that I when I return home, I wouldn't be able to show him pictures. See his sly smile when I told him stories. Hear his excitement over being the first one to return to Africa after our ancestors were snatched from our motherland but that's a different post. Then, a gentle but obvious wave of relief came. He probably didn't want me to embarrass myself in front of my coworkers. I kinda just knew he had *already* been here. He probably had walked through the crater, identifying all the species he had read about in the encyclopedia, which he had read every volume of, cover to cover, so many times, that he actually rewrote them. All. And at that moment, he came back, so we could see them, together.  I could almost hear him saying "She She, look at this one". I don't think I ever thanked God so hard before in my life.

In the midst of all my emo, I got curious. "Tiger, how did the crater get here?" The crater used to be a volcano that erupted twice. The first time using almost all its lava. The second erupting so much it gave everything it had left, and collapsed in. It was once higher than Kilimanjaro. Out of the chaos, a new way of life and beauty was formed. At this point, God and Basil were showing off.

No one could have imagined the amazing outcome of the terror of a collapsing volcano. That animals and people alike would call this new place home. That an animated documentary would come from it and be named The Lion King (trust me, it's a documentary). That a girl from the BX prayers would be answered looking at some zebra.

Moral of the story: Sometimes the plans change. Don't let that change the goal. Be amazing in everything you do. 

Perspective is everything...

The more we read and watch online, the harder it becomes to tell the difference between what's real and what's fake. It's as if we know more but understand less, says philosopher Michael Patrick Lynch. In this talk, he dares us to take active steps to burst our filter bubbles and participate in the common reality that actually underpins everything.

Watch and learn

Carina Morillo knew almost nothing about autism when her son Ivan was diagnosed — only that he didn't speak or respond to words, and that she had to find other ways to connect with him. She shares how she learned to help her son thrive by being curious along with him.

FYI- This talk is in Spanish with subtitles, but worth it if you have some patience to read lol.

12 truths I learned from life and writing

A few days before she turned 61, writer Anne Lamott decided to write down everything she knew for sure. She dives into the nuances of being a human who lives in a confusing, beautiful, emotional world, offering her characteristic life-affirming wisdom and humor on family, writing, the meaning of God, death and more.

Walk for your life....

This was my favorite talk of TED2017. These two amazing woman opened their talk with a prayer, and gave us nothing but black girl magic on that stage. Vanessa and Morgan talk about walking for self-care and the reality that got them there.

Last of a dying breed

Last of a dying breed: One of my homegirls put this on the "Regrets of the dying" on my radar. My favorite lesson -"I wish that I had let myself be happier."

Help me I'm poor...

I love a quick summer trips. The warm weather just makes me want frolic. But, my pockets be like "calmate mamita". Luckily, SoulSociety101 hit us with the travel cheat codes.

She want that ole thing back

Have you been feeling a little bit off lately? Maybe you need a dose of Vitamin P, aka Positivity.

I been feeling all lovey lately

I have been in such a loving mood. Not sure why. But you know I am a thug, so I can't be out here getting soft on y'all. This is why I though this article on 100 ways to subtly, yet sweetly tell someone you love them was perfect.

Who died today?

This is one of my favorite talks from the 2017 Idea Search...

 Lux Narayan starts his day with scrambled eggs and the question: "Who died today?" Why? By analyzing 2,000 New York Times obituaries over a 20-month period, Narayan gleaned, in just a few words, what achievement looks like over a lifetime. Here he shares what those immortalized in print can teach us about a life well lived. (Text taken from ted.com)

Twitter made her leave her church

What's it like to grow up within a group of people who exult in demonizing ... everyone else? Megan Phelps-Roper shares details of life inside America's most controversial church and describes how conversations on Twitter were key to her decision to leave it. In this extraordinary talk, she shares her personal experience of extreme polarization, along with some sharp ways we can learn to successfully engage across ideological lines. (Text taken from TED.com)

Call me crazy, but at least you call me

Is there a definitive line that divides crazy from sane? Jon Ronson illuminates the gray areas between the two. (Text taken from ted.com)

Real G's move in silence like lasagna

Derek Sivers: Keep your goals to yourself

Ask and ye shall receive...

Michelle L. Sullivan takes the negativity out of asking for help.

Dating is dead

TEDx Talks are actually some of my favorite. You get to see some of the up and coming voices and hear a fresh perspective. I saw this in the office and thought this was a great talk. I even started follow Kevin on IG and I haven't been disappointed. Maybe I am biased cause he knows a lot of Temple people, lol. Nonetheless... enjoy his talk on dating

Don't switch on me, I got big plans....

*Blasts Blem by Drake, peeks in and hit the matrix to avoid the shade...* 

Hey loves! How are y'all? Let's just pretend the fact I haven't been on your inbox for the past month didn't happen. Mmkay. Thanks. 

Way back, I had a talk with someone and they were talking about their work, which is also "motivational" (I use quotation marks for me here, not her, because I'm still trying to gauge what you would label these emails - if there is a label at all). She was talking about taking a break and I told her I wouldn't want to give anyone watered down versions of my creativity. And then here we are...

I was sitting at the computer a month ago, and my fingers didn't move. I closed the laptop and said "I ain't got it", this going to have to be a Tuesday email this week. Tuesday was the official one year anniversary of these emails anyway (March 14th). I would definitely be on a high tomorrow. Tuesday turned to Wednesday which turned to Saturday, which turned to I'm going to send it Monday, no point now. Then Monday came and I was like "welp - still don't got it". Lol. I realized I needed a break. I was getting mentally foggy. I didn't have the same inspiration.  I wasn't even reading my books! And I ain't wanna write y'all no bullshit. Plus, life came at me fast (I'm still tight this domain name isn't available). I figured I would take a small break and create the site (finally) and go on my vacation and I'd be full of all the warm fuzzies I needed to hit y'all with some hot shit. 

Negative. I was still off (someone joked its cause I'm still fasting and don't have enough protein). I have been reading my Bible and listening to all my go to TED Talks and sermons and nothing. If you follow me on IG and snap, I was even asking for tips. 

Then, the big homie God had enough of my nonsense. He used a friend to hit me with the word "when I need motivation I remember why I started", but because I'm stubborn, I still ain't get it. Then I saw a random post that said " Student says, 'I am very discouraged. What should I do?' Master says, 'Encourage others.' BINGO B*! I started these emails because I wanted to my friends to get the inspiration they needed to keep going. The inspiration I wish I had the days my ADD also known as being an adult kicked in, No one really knows all the things that someone is going through and it was all the "This was right on time" responses or the deeper connections I made with friends because something in the email sparked something in them and they wanted to talk. It was the fact I realized maybe the break was needed but to always get back because writing was my saving grace. 

Get your mind right

So, someone put me on to Talkspace. This site allows you to get online therapy, without traveling to an office - and for significantly less money than traditional therapy​. I haven't tried yet but I'm definitely book marking it.

And even more patience

When Finding Your Passion Is Unexpected and Yet Oh-So-Right

Patience Young grasshopper

So we are at March. Like... the year is zooming (which is seems to get faster as we get older), and we are in Women's Month and coming up on International Women's Day (March 8th)! Also, when my OCD/Type A kicked in, I realize, March 14th (next Tuesday) is the anniversary of these email becoming a"a thing". Officially one year of consistent (for the most part) emails from me. Yeah, even I am shocked.

If you you been riding with me from the start, you may remember that March is kind of a reflective month for me. I lost two of my grandparents in March, and my dad (who also passed) birthday's this month. Actually, it was yesterday. He would have been 60. And that brings me to my story:

So I spent the first part of my Sunday at the cemetery. It would have been a quicker trip, except the fact that I got lost. Yes, I got lost in the cemetery I been going to since I was born. I hadn't been for over a year since I don't have a car and it's SUPER hard to get to by public transportation. I rented a zip car and made the trip up. I pulled up to my usual landmarks, and walked towards the familiar red headstone... and realized, that it wasn't the one my grandma and father share. I was like.... maybe the next row. Nope.... I looked around the cemetery that held over 100,000 graves and immediately started to go crazy. I thought my dad's side of the family had made some changes without telling me. I literally felt the anger rise and if you know me, you know I was already planning my heated monologue to eloquently curse out anyone who knew anything about this, but didn't tell me. I was about to verbally massacre them. (Keep your judgment)

Then, I took a minute, took a deep breathe, and asked decided to search a little bit more even though I was SURE I was at the right section. As I kept walking, tears streaming down my face, to a part I never had been before, scanning every red headstone I saw... right when I was about to turn around, and ether any and every body, I saw the big red SWIFT (my second last name) printed out. I literally laughed at out loud imaging how hard my Dad and Granny were laughing watching me look for them in this huge cemetery. 

I didn't even remember how mad I was until the car ride back down to the city. I thought of all the times I have been mad... pissed to be exact, and how it might have been avoided if I was just a little more patient. Or even deeper, the times I had been frustrated with my own abilities cause it took more time to accomplish something that I had anticipated. If I had a little patience with myself... shiiiiidddd *insert Shaq meme here*.  If I trusted in God a little more, and my own ability not to give up, I'm sure I could have avoided a lot of stress.

So every March, I remind people to honor the ones you love, but now, let's throw in especially woman, and be patient, particularly with yourself.

Remember when I talked about that Higher Power?

For my Christians, Lent is on Wednesday. Last year, I made a last minute decision to do the Daniel Fast. I did it for 30 days (I started Lent late... keep your judgment). It was one of the hardest, most mindful, enlightening, humbling, amazing experiences of last year. The first few days were trash (we friends here, so I'm not gonna lie or sugar coat it for you) and maintaining is hard, but remember that mind body soul I mentioned before? This is the upper echelon reset for that. People who aren't Christian, the food component is a great cleanse and you will feel so light and strong. This is the one I followed. However, I will say, the prayer portion was the most significant for me. It's what made completion possible. Take a look and please let me know if you are going to do it. One of my homegirls and I did it together, and it was so helpful to have a sister in struggle and felt much more connected to her.

I have zero dollars

This slum I been in threw me into a #TreatYourself #IDeserve kick,  and then the reality of #MyBillsDeserve hit. Two of (read my only) my saving graces (hope y'all caught that joke), have been Digit and Qapital. I like both because the money comes out preset, versus me begrudgingly putting into an account myself. I will say I like Qapital a little bit more because it's more user friendly. You can set multiple goals instead of just one main account. You can add pictures for motivation and all that jazz. But look into joining Digit and Qapital and getting pockets packed (before the money draining summer comes).

In case your money needs to reset too

So, my friend Carl (and I say that loosely and you'll see why in 5,4,3,2,...) has this money newsletter that I had to find out about through his girlfriend, who obviously is my real friend. ​Despite his shadiness, I have always admired Carl's money savvy. He always has multiple streams of revenue, and the only man I know in Brooklyn with a boat. Yes, he owns a boat. Get into Raising Benjamin, and get email tips on keeping your money right and follow the blog for his thoughts on money.

He also has these dope ass Black Wealth hats. 

Talking about bring knives to a fight with guns....

When the only shot you ever took was in your buns...

IF Y'ALL EVEN THOUGHT Y'ALL WEREN'T GETTING A SHETHER LYRIC YOU DON'T ME IN THE SLIGHTEST! BRONX IS ON ALL WEEK! DON'T DEBATE ME.

Yes, I've been gone for two weeks. Two whole ass weeks. I appreciate not getting pressed because I feel like at this point you know if you didn't get an email, my life is in some sort of shamble. Which it was. I been taking on all these new projects at work, which I'm hella excited about by baybeee *New Orleans voice*, BUT with these other two jobs, I woke up a while ago feeling like the Mr. Krab meme (or the new Ebro meme since Shether), and I knew I needed a minute. But the way my crazy works, is I become overwhelmed, my whole routine goes left, and then I feel like I am lazy and beat myself up. I legit asked my friends if they think I'm being lazy. Like, shouldn't I be doing more? Even after I said it, I knew it was ludicrous. (please note I originally spelled this like the rapper. Praises to The Most High for autocorrect). The word masochist was even used.  

I decided to use Lent (which starts Wednesday) to reset. I, one, need to bring myself closer to my Higher Power if I think I am going to do anything right in my life. Also, I been SLACKING on the gym, and as much as I hate to admit this (and Barrington, aka Mr Be The Better, will screen shot this because he Remy Ma petty), I need to work out and eat right, consistently. When people say mind, body, and soul, that sh*t is no joke. My body and soul been craving more and it threw my mind for a loop, and let's be honest, it wasn't too stable in the first place.  I realize I have been doing the most and giving myself back the least. 

So, if you been out here still doing amazing with your schedule and such, congrats. You deserve it. It's not easy. For my fellow fall off-ers, let's hit reset, and let's be kind to our self that we needed to.  Be cognizant of your humanity.

Look at me with your third eye

So my favorite make-up artist brought to my attention this Chakra test. It a series of questions that lets you know which chakras are open and which are under active, and you should focus on to feel more balanced. Still confused what the f*ck a chakra is? I got you.

A mindful minute

So my birthday weekend, I went to a meditation class. It was about focus (which as I've stated previously, is something I am always in need of). One of the exercises was to slowly rub your hand together to bring yourself back to the present. I was actually shocked. Who would have thought such a simple act can regroup you. So about once a day, when I'm feeling overwhelmed or like I'm drifting, I stop, and rub my hands together for a minute. Just concentrating on my the feeling. For a little extra boost, I put my focus oil blend on my palms, then rub, and then take a deep breathe to regroup. Give it a try. It's a great way to do some quick self care without looking crazy around your co-workers.

Martin Luther The King

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase" - Martin Luther King, Jr.

The bible be knowing

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear expects punishment. The person who is afraid has not been made perfect in love" - 1 John 4:18.

I'm a rat, but I don't f*ck with them

The lunar new year and Chinese new year were this past Saturday. As much as I love a horoscope, I never really paid much attention to the Chinese zodiac. One of my coworkers is Chinese and gave us a lesson while we were at (read - avoiding) work. It was actually eerily accurate. In case you are curious... Calculate yours here. FYI, don't go by the year. If you are January/early February, you might be considered the year before. In case you were wondering, I am a wood rat.

The way Kathie Lee needed Regis, that's the way I need Jesus...

So, I think I have mentioned how oblivious I am at times. Some times, in my own bubble I forget how the world is living. I sure it's a defense mechanism for the empath in me cause when I do get involved, is a deep emotional involvement. There is really no middle ground. No gray. 

One of my bubbles were popped about 12 hours ago. I have been trying to avoid news stories and any real Trump updates. It's been a week and a half of denial that he is the president of the country I reside in. Last night, after an amazing day, I decided to turn on the news and deal with the reality that was the world we lived in. 

I cried like someone died.  

To see the protests. The anguish of people just wanting to be reunited with their loved ones, but can not because they have faith in a higher power different than one most people of this land are used to, was just a little more than I could bear.  I spent the tossing and turning and between sleep I woke up wondering what I could do beside pray. I was frustrated because as powerful as I know prayer is, it didn't seem actionable. Then I woke up to an epiphany (ha!):

Prayer works because we believe in it. Praying without faith is like having a conversation with with the wall. It doesn't really leave the room. 

​No matter who our higher power is, even if it is our self, the believe in the power if the highest good is what drives results. It is what gets us through. It is the foundation. So no, my epiphany wasn't an action plan. My epiphany is to trust that God heard my prayers and hold on to my faith until I am presented with a solution, because I know its coming.​

Your self needs help with self care?

A lot of people say to me they aren't sure what their self care regimen should look like. Honestly, to me, it's deliberately giving yourself moments of joy. Also, making sure to maintain a good state of mentality. I ran across this Daily Self Care Schedule, with some good check-in questions to ask yourself to make sure you are mentally and emotionally right. Give it a try and see how it works for you

And even at the White House we pull up in the backyard..

The weeks after my birthday have been a whirlwind and I needed all my mental capacity to really get through it. I can't be out here telling y'all about self-care and how to try to live better lives and not actually practice it myself. And as I sit here blasting No Ceilings (see subject) and write this email, I feel so refreshed and ready for the week and to spread the positivity, so the break was worth it.

So, if you follow me on IG stories/snap, you know my week last week was a real mess. For those who don't let me recap:

Monday - Someone (like an employee) at job 2 out of 3 stole my phone. But when I set the find my iPhone alert off they got scared and threw it in a garbage (and their aim off cause it landed behind the garbage... but that's my petty talking)... That's where I found it. 

Tuesday - 5 meetings, a stressful work event, and a 3 hour excel course. And I ate a small beef stew that set off my Wednesday. 

Wednesday - Food poisoning/stomach bug/the official sign I can't eat red meat. Still to be determined but I saw the light...

Thursday - I was on the team for an event in D.C. in the midst of setting up for Trump's inauguration Thanking Obama. So stress levels were higher than Lil Wayne.

Friday - waking up at 6am to drive back from D.C., work a full day, and coming home to some very annoying issues.

So, if you knew me a few years ago... around Wednesday I would have been singing Take me to the King. I would have been over it all and either shut down, or my negative thoughts would have been on 1000. Hiding in bed wondering where I went wrong in life. And although I was stressed, I wasn't upset. I realized how blessed I was. I pushed through and it was worth it. I was apart of an amazing event, got some time to think and hash out some stuff in my head, and I got a reminder that my friends are really the best. If that ain't growth, I don't know what is. And I'm sure the reasoning for this is waking up every day with a grateful heart. 

If you get nothing else from these emails, please know that deliberate gratitude will change your life.

21 things to stop doing

 Stolen from twitter.

I said what I said

I know I told y'all not to set resolutions, but these can be the exception.

Get you a GroupMe that can do both

Despite the obvious nonsense that ensues in every one's group chat that makes us pray technology doesn't betray us and post our messages on a big screen like that episode of Empire (sorry if that's a spoiler), mine are often filled with insightful gems. The one filled with my partners in thug pose crime hit me with "Give me a word that sums up your goal for 2017" (Shout out to Patrice K.). Mine was growth. I think the place I am at is pretty damn amazing and I am so appreciative of my space. My goal is to keep the momentum going and nurture the seeds I have planted. What's your word?

Queen

Did you see Michelle Obama's exit interview with Oprah? If not, please let her inspire your life. She is definitely the prototype, and if you didn't guess, obviously a Capricorn :)

You what's up girl, ain't gotta ask it... I dead em all now, I buy the caskets

I think about my funeral a lot. (Yea, we are going here).

Note: So this email is in no way a cry for help, depression or whateva. I'm actually the happiest I have ever been in my whole life. If you had even a twinge of concern, thank you but chill. lmao

Like my death in general, but not dying because I'm scared (cause I'm honestly not. I think I live my best life and I am not a malicious person and I am pretty positive God sees my efforts so heaven is a strong possible and the thought of not having to pay Sallie Mae no more is lit). I think about how my death will affect those around me. I even think about how people would feel/reaction if they get a call saying I was in a the hospital and they weren't sure if I'd make it. I know, it's sick.

I guess if we are trying to look at it positively, what will my legacy or impact be. I literally spend nights in bed thinking about the stories people might share when I can't hear. Wondering what their favorite or memorable times/attributes about me are. I'm not even sure why. I think part of it has to do with my Love Language being Words of Affirmations (in case you missed the "what's your love language" email). Nothing makes me happier that hearing how I make people feel. Even if it's not positive because then I can evaluate and change if necessary. Sounds a bit narcissistic but whatever, you don't get these emails for me to be fake. My favorite part of my birthday (T-minus 3 days) are the sappy things my friends post and the heartfelt texts and emails (note: this is not a solicitation of these things. I love them but only if the person is really compelled to. No pressure lol). I am also SUPER oblivious so I like direct and clear statements, so knowing exactly how I impact people's life is just something I obsess over. And somehow it manifests to a funeral because I'm a real life crazy Capricorn *insert upside down smiley face emoji here*.

So, now that y'all know exactly how much of a lunatic I really am, I say all that to remind y'all a few things that have hit me in the past few days of pre-32 reflection. The obvious "Give the flowers while they can still smell them" cliche (but oh so relevant because cliches come from somewhere). I've lost a friend where the last thing I said to him was me yelling at him a few days before  he committed suicide because he was being a sloppy and annoying drunk and 10 years later it may be my only regret. I've lost my grandpa and the last thing I said to him was I love him and I hold that as one of my best decisions in life. So yea... give them flowers. Metaphorically and literally (Trader Joe has dope bouquets for like 6 cash. I get myself one a week.)

But also, live every day in your legacy. I'm annoying but I don't want to leave any one's life without making it a touch better than when I entered it. When I envision my funeral, I imagine a packed church, people crying (I don't want people to cry but I know its inevitable so I'm not even telling people not to), and people coming up and sharing stories about me. Despite the obvious atmosphere of sadness, I want the church to be filled with love. And I hope the resounding theme is "Sioban made my life just a little happier to live". Oh and henny. Make. Sure. There. Is. Henny. And a fire playlist. Thanks.

Hope that wasn't too emo for y'all.

Self Care for the New Year

Listen, this could be a topic every week. Take care of yourselves. Make yourself a priority. Make a 5 minute routine daily that you do something that is for yourself and makes you happy. Every morning I take 5 minutes and drink my coffee at home sitting down listening to music or thinking of my to do list. I use my train ride to read my bible and catch up on recreational reading. I schedule salt baths, and yes, I do add rose petals into it (and a rose quartz but that might be too far for some of you. Baby steps). Make yourself a self care routine. Please.... mi beg yuh. I just want y'all to be happy. 

Put 2016 in some rice

2016 was just.... Boy. I don't even got words... But we lost Prince and gained Trump. That sums up the tragedy as best I can. However, one of my favorite quotes is a "bad day doesn't equal a bad life" so lets substitute the "day" for year and regroup. Celebrate that we made it out this jawn (and pray we continue to since we got 5 more days). Don't let this year pass by without identifying at least 3 things you made it through and 3 moments that made this year worth it. Then take a celebrations shot. (if you pregnant, get you a shot of apple juice).

#GoalDigger

So, I'm serious about this goal thing. Here are some things to help move from resolutions to healthy attainable goals. 

*Plays Nicki Minaj Moment for Life*

Moment For Life by Nicki Minaj is actually one of my top 5 feel good songs. Maybe just top five songs. Period. 

New years are always super reflective for me. It's a fresh start. Yes, I know there is the "Start today", "Don't wait for the new year to make change" blah blah blah. I like milestones... so move.  There is something about a fresh slate that is so motivating to me. 

Plus, it's my birthday (that countdown is 11 days away) and I think about not only the new year but the new age. As I move deeper in to my 30's (32 to be exact - my Shaq year), how can I not be reflective. DAWG, IT'S 32. I'm a whole ass adult. I pay bills, and have responsibilities, some of which require other human lives, and if that doesn't give you pause, I don't know what will.

But, I think we put too much pressure on the new year as well - I know. I make no sense. But seriously... we give ourself a day to basically turn into someone that is completely different from who we currently are. I'm all for being our best authentic selves but I can't get jiggy with torturing ourselves because we feel we aren't good enough. That we aren't deserving of pleasures. This is why I don't make resolutions. Definition of resolution: "a firm decision to do or not to do something" or "the action of solving a problem, dispute, or contentious matter". That don't sound aggressive as shit?. That's why instead, I make goals.  That way I am currently working actively to improve myself instead of feeling like I'm behind on achieving. This year, take some time and think of the things you really want to manifest, and positively work towards them.

And, if you don't do anything else, make the goal to love yourself unconditionally. Once that happens, everything falls into place.

Quick note

Someone called this email my super power. I was kinda floored. This is probably my imposter syndrome still in my system. But what a statement. I'm taking this into the new year to get right.

Summer bodies are made in the winter

For all those who are has a better body on your resolutions/goals for 2017 list, check out #BeTheBetter: 30:00. One of the hardest parts for me is that if I have no instruction, working out have me looking like:

 

​I just be looking around at all the machines and wondering if I am doing it right, if people know I don't have no clue what I'm doing and are like "this heffa". But with this work schedule, making my usual classes or fitting in time to train is harder than finding extra money during this season. I have done this plan two times at home already and I am so grateful for the direction. Also, grateful I wont look like a red panda come May.

Awkward black girl

So I have always said, I'm super awkward. Things just put me in strange emotional spaces and I don't know how to respond. I get flustered and I'm just weird. I read this article and now I'm evaluating whether my awkwardness is really anxiety. "I have the type of anxiety that people praise. It's the type that makes me a perfectionist, the one person that everyone relies on during a group project, a prima ballerina and a straight-up over-achiever. I'm never late. Organization game is 100. I've got an incredible memory". And this is where I realized this complete stranger was subbing me. I actually used to have really bad anxiety and anxiety attacks til I was about 26. I actually couldn't get on elevators alone, and I would still try to convince people to take steps. I used to walk 13 flights of Coop city stairs every time I went to my best friend's house so I wouldn't have to take the elevator when I was alone. I thought I was over it, but reading this article, Im looking into whether I just have a milder, socially acceptable form. 

With that, I also had a discussion this weekend where the topic of black people always feeling like they shouldn't celebrate because we haven't done anything to celebrate for. Like we punish ourselves for motivation. Then the article hit me with this line...  

"Suffering is not an inherent part of the black experience."

CHILLLLLLLLLE. Take that. Process it. And pray to your higher power for forgiveness.

Nah, you do what with them?

*To all my male readers, I apologize in advanced* 

 Most people know I am a big supporter of Yoni eggs. I have been practicing with them for about 2 years and have about 7 (ok 8) total. One of my favorites, Regina Hall, went on Conan and gives a quick (and funny) rundown of yoni egg. If you were ever curious about yoni eggs, see Regina's explanation. Guys, maybe you should watch the video.... a lot of women are getting into these.

Y'all really let me get a microphone

So, the Insecure viral video still won't die. So much that it got my friends invited on a podcast. And when I say my friends... I mean me included. Someone really gave me a platform to be ignorant. *whispersandIactuallykindalikedit* Here is the full episode. I start at about 50 minutes in because I was at work and came late (don't act shocked). Can't wait to get y'all comments. lol

Make it happen

Have I told y'all how dope my friends are? This time it's a little more literal. Lol. One of my favorite DJ's (and from twitter to real life friend) Olivia Dope got featured on xoNecole site about turning her side hustle into a full fledged SUCCESSFUL career. In case you needed some motivation to keep it pushing... here y'all go.

Growth

Recap: I went to Maryland for a mini (I use this word loosely) Temple reunion, and it was just what my overworked soul needed. It was amazing food (provided by Ted Mack Food Shack) and positive vibes. It felt like the best of kickbacks in undergrad. I couldn't have asked for a better weekend. Even the drive back up to NY with the Waffle House detour was great.

But, this weekend could have went so different. Thanksgiving day wasn't the best. It was my first day off in a while, and I woke up late and thought I could relax and just enjoy the day. I got to my family's house to a literal written list of chores. Then my mom spilled a pan of cold bacon grease on my fresh out the box UGG boots. Like I hadn't even had them on my feet an hour yet. The UGGs I bought myself cause I been working my life away. My #TreatYourself gift. I. Almost. Reacted. But then I remembered, I needed to be grateful. I had the means to buy these UGGs, and actually buy a new pair. I also had my mother (as annoying as she is) present to piss me off. And as someone who only has one living biological parent, I take that fact for granted way too much. So I took a deep breath and said "It's OK... Don't worry about it mommy." And a miracle happened...(Miracle may be a strong word but let me rock). I noticed my mother was really remorseful. Usually my reactions *coughtempercough* to things she does causes her to go in full Gemini defensive mode. She was so sad she ruined the UGGs, she even offered to pay. My grandma and aunts stopped setting the dinner table to try to clean it... (on the second cleaning attempt one of my aunts used baking soda and dawn and scrubbed them like  a cast iron pot and really destroyed them... but I digress). They tried. I realized, despite how much I feel I got to do things alone, I got people to help. If I just let them.

Playing the victim on an obvious mistake would have created such a different tone for my weekend. And that would have been the real tragedy. So not am only am I grateful for my family, friends, and my weekend, but I am definitely grateful for growth... cause 2012 Sioban would have been a different story.

Google me baby

So I participated in a Refinery29 article talking about how women perceive other women. Some of the pics may not be safe for work (NSFW in case you didn't know the acronym), but.. it not like porn. So when you have some time, take a look at the article (men this is NOT a women only article... so you might wanna look too).

First of all I'd like to thank my connect...

So, I'm at work. And you may be like "It's the middle of the day on Monday... where the hell else you gonna be?". I'm actually supposed to be off. I worked an overnight shift last night, and am working an evening shift today, so I took today off from TED to rest and use up these vacay days that are expiring by the end of the year. But we have an event coming up, and I just felt the tasks tugging at my soul. So I got up, and came into the office. Luckily I did, cause its a mess and when they saw me walk in 3 meetings popped up on my calendar. I'm here on 1.5 hours of sleep and prayer (and of course lots of coffee). I was complaining about how I have no support, and how much I work because I'm the only one who knows how to run these systems...

Then I checked myself. I remembered just a little over a year ago when I was at a job I hated, underpaid, worked even harder, and no real potential for growth, no support from my manager, and feeling like I wasn't valuable to my company (which, in all actuality, wasn't really a feeling cause I got laid off... so like... a fact. lol). How can I be ungrateful a few days before a time dedicated in recognizing the abundance in my life? (I'm blaming the lack of sleep.) It's so humbling to realize that the things I fell to my knees and begged God for daily are now part of my daily routine. So, how could I complain about them? So I bought myself a dirty chai latte and thanked God for the means to buy it, threw on Beyonce pandora, and I got busy.

This week, take a minute and reflect. What are you taking for granted? What do you need to throw some gratitude in the universe for? Remember, we may not be where we want to be but thank God we aren't where we were.

Also, remember to live in a grateful space this week. And if you are struggling to think of something, take a deep breathe, long a long one that really fills your lungs... then realize you have the ability to breathe. 

Yes, I'm talking about the moon again

Not that much tho. Today the super moon. Here is the full moon ritual again, some intentions specific to this moon, and a article on this moon's meaning. Enjoy my fellow hoodrat hippies.

You need some lotion playa?

So, everyone know I pretty much live by the magic that's coconut oil. But even in the winter, that liquid gold can't keep me from looking like I was just playing on the beach. So I have to holla at Natural Natch. The site has a bunch of great things... but than Whipped Shea hair and body butter in vanilla right out the shower.... BOY.  (Guys... its also a dope beard butter... I'm just saying). 

Hone that Hippie

You ever try to meditate and next thing you know you planned your grocery list, started thinking about that time in college you and your friends took an impromptu road trip, and wonder how your ex doing.... but still ain't meditate? Yea, me either. However... if it maybe possibly did happen that one time... here is a quick article on a new way of being mindful.

All my n* dressed in that rojo... I ride for my guys, that's the bro code...

As I get deeper and deeper in my career, especially at a tech company, I realized how valuable coding and basic website knowledge is. But y'all know how expensive these curses are?!?! Dawg... I don't got three jobs cause I'm bored.  Luckily the nice nerds at my jobs hit me with an online course that they all rave about, the Dash course by General Assembly. A great intro into coding, and if you are still interested in learning more... then you can can start gathering them coins.