Awkward black girl

So I have always said, I'm super awkward. Things just put me in strange emotional spaces and I don't know how to respond. I get flustered and I'm just weird. I read this article and now I'm evaluating whether my awkwardness is really anxiety. "I have the type of anxiety that people praise. It's the type that makes me a perfectionist, the one person that everyone relies on during a group project, a prima ballerina and a straight-up over-achiever. I'm never late. Organization game is 100. I've got an incredible memory". And this is where I realized this complete stranger was subbing me. I actually used to have really bad anxiety and anxiety attacks til I was about 26. I actually couldn't get on elevators alone, and I would still try to convince people to take steps. I used to walk 13 flights of Coop city stairs every time I went to my best friend's house so I wouldn't have to take the elevator when I was alone. I thought I was over it, but reading this article, Im looking into whether I just have a milder, socially acceptable form. 

With that, I also had a discussion this weekend where the topic of black people always feeling like they shouldn't celebrate because we haven't done anything to celebrate for. Like we punish ourselves for motivation. Then the article hit me with this line...  

"Suffering is not an inherent part of the black experience."

CHILLLLLLLLLE. Take that. Process it. And pray to your higher power for forgiveness.