Don't switch on me, I got big plans....

*Blasts Blem by Drake, peeks in and hit the matrix to avoid the shade...* 

Hey loves! How are y'all? Let's just pretend the fact I haven't been on your inbox for the past month didn't happen. Mmkay. Thanks. 

Way back, I had a talk with someone and they were talking about their work, which is also "motivational" (I use quotation marks for me here, not her, because I'm still trying to gauge what you would label these emails - if there is a label at all). She was talking about taking a break and I told her I wouldn't want to give anyone watered down versions of my creativity. And then here we are...

I was sitting at the computer a month ago, and my fingers didn't move. I closed the laptop and said "I ain't got it", this going to have to be a Tuesday email this week. Tuesday was the official one year anniversary of these emails anyway (March 14th). I would definitely be on a high tomorrow. Tuesday turned to Wednesday which turned to Saturday, which turned to I'm going to send it Monday, no point now. Then Monday came and I was like "welp - still don't got it". Lol. I realized I needed a break. I was getting mentally foggy. I didn't have the same inspiration.  I wasn't even reading my books! And I ain't wanna write y'all no bullshit. Plus, life came at me fast (I'm still tight this domain name isn't available). I figured I would take a small break and create the site (finally) and go on my vacation and I'd be full of all the warm fuzzies I needed to hit y'all with some hot shit. 

Negative. I was still off (someone joked its cause I'm still fasting and don't have enough protein). I have been reading my Bible and listening to all my go to TED Talks and sermons and nothing. If you follow me on IG and snap, I was even asking for tips. 

Then, the big homie God had enough of my nonsense. He used a friend to hit me with the word "when I need motivation I remember why I started", but because I'm stubborn, I still ain't get it. Then I saw a random post that said " Student says, 'I am very discouraged. What should I do?' Master says, 'Encourage others.' BINGO B*! I started these emails because I wanted to my friends to get the inspiration they needed to keep going. The inspiration I wish I had the days my ADD also known as being an adult kicked in, No one really knows all the things that someone is going through and it was all the "This was right on time" responses or the deeper connections I made with friends because something in the email sparked something in them and they wanted to talk. It was the fact I realized maybe the break was needed but to always get back because writing was my saving grace. 

Get your mind right

So, someone put me on to Talkspace. This site allows you to get online therapy, without traveling to an office - and for significantly less money than traditional therapy​. I haven't tried yet but I'm definitely book marking it.

And even more patience

When Finding Your Passion Is Unexpected and Yet Oh-So-Right

Patience Young grasshopper

So we are at March. Like... the year is zooming (which is seems to get faster as we get older), and we are in Women's Month and coming up on International Women's Day (March 8th)! Also, when my OCD/Type A kicked in, I realize, March 14th (next Tuesday) is the anniversary of these email becoming a"a thing". Officially one year of consistent (for the most part) emails from me. Yeah, even I am shocked.

If you you been riding with me from the start, you may remember that March is kind of a reflective month for me. I lost two of my grandparents in March, and my dad (who also passed) birthday's this month. Actually, it was yesterday. He would have been 60. And that brings me to my story:

So I spent the first part of my Sunday at the cemetery. It would have been a quicker trip, except the fact that I got lost. Yes, I got lost in the cemetery I been going to since I was born. I hadn't been for over a year since I don't have a car and it's SUPER hard to get to by public transportation. I rented a zip car and made the trip up. I pulled up to my usual landmarks, and walked towards the familiar red headstone... and realized, that it wasn't the one my grandma and father share. I was like.... maybe the next row. Nope.... I looked around the cemetery that held over 100,000 graves and immediately started to go crazy. I thought my dad's side of the family had made some changes without telling me. I literally felt the anger rise and if you know me, you know I was already planning my heated monologue to eloquently curse out anyone who knew anything about this, but didn't tell me. I was about to verbally massacre them. (Keep your judgment)

Then, I took a minute, took a deep breathe, and asked decided to search a little bit more even though I was SURE I was at the right section. As I kept walking, tears streaming down my face, to a part I never had been before, scanning every red headstone I saw... right when I was about to turn around, and ether any and every body, I saw the big red SWIFT (my second last name) printed out. I literally laughed at out loud imaging how hard my Dad and Granny were laughing watching me look for them in this huge cemetery. 

I didn't even remember how mad I was until the car ride back down to the city. I thought of all the times I have been mad... pissed to be exact, and how it might have been avoided if I was just a little more patient. Or even deeper, the times I had been frustrated with my own abilities cause it took more time to accomplish something that I had anticipated. If I had a little patience with myself... shiiiiidddd *insert Shaq meme here*.  If I trusted in God a little more, and my own ability not to give up, I'm sure I could have avoided a lot of stress.

So every March, I remind people to honor the ones you love, but now, let's throw in especially woman, and be patient, particularly with yourself.

Remember when I talked about that Higher Power?

For my Christians, Lent is on Wednesday. Last year, I made a last minute decision to do the Daniel Fast. I did it for 30 days (I started Lent late... keep your judgment). It was one of the hardest, most mindful, enlightening, humbling, amazing experiences of last year. The first few days were trash (we friends here, so I'm not gonna lie or sugar coat it for you) and maintaining is hard, but remember that mind body soul I mentioned before? This is the upper echelon reset for that. People who aren't Christian, the food component is a great cleanse and you will feel so light and strong. This is the one I followed. However, I will say, the prayer portion was the most significant for me. It's what made completion possible. Take a look and please let me know if you are going to do it. One of my homegirls and I did it together, and it was so helpful to have a sister in struggle and felt much more connected to her.

I have zero dollars

This slum I been in threw me into a #TreatYourself #IDeserve kick,  and then the reality of #MyBillsDeserve hit. Two of (read my only) my saving graces (hope y'all caught that joke), have been Digit and Qapital. I like both because the money comes out preset, versus me begrudgingly putting into an account myself. I will say I like Qapital a little bit more because it's more user friendly. You can set multiple goals instead of just one main account. You can add pictures for motivation and all that jazz. But look into joining Digit and Qapital and getting pockets packed (before the money draining summer comes).

In case your money needs to reset too

So, my friend Carl (and I say that loosely and you'll see why in 5,4,3,2,...) has this money newsletter that I had to find out about through his girlfriend, who obviously is my real friend. ​Despite his shadiness, I have always admired Carl's money savvy. He always has multiple streams of revenue, and the only man I know in Brooklyn with a boat. Yes, he owns a boat. Get into Raising Benjamin, and get email tips on keeping your money right and follow the blog for his thoughts on money.

He also has these dope ass Black Wealth hats. 

Talking about bring knives to a fight with guns....

When the only shot you ever took was in your buns...

IF Y'ALL EVEN THOUGHT Y'ALL WEREN'T GETTING A SHETHER LYRIC YOU DON'T ME IN THE SLIGHTEST! BRONX IS ON ALL WEEK! DON'T DEBATE ME.

Yes, I've been gone for two weeks. Two whole ass weeks. I appreciate not getting pressed because I feel like at this point you know if you didn't get an email, my life is in some sort of shamble. Which it was. I been taking on all these new projects at work, which I'm hella excited about by baybeee *New Orleans voice*, BUT with these other two jobs, I woke up a while ago feeling like the Mr. Krab meme (or the new Ebro meme since Shether), and I knew I needed a minute. But the way my crazy works, is I become overwhelmed, my whole routine goes left, and then I feel like I am lazy and beat myself up. I legit asked my friends if they think I'm being lazy. Like, shouldn't I be doing more? Even after I said it, I knew it was ludicrous. (please note I originally spelled this like the rapper. Praises to The Most High for autocorrect). The word masochist was even used.  

I decided to use Lent (which starts Wednesday) to reset. I, one, need to bring myself closer to my Higher Power if I think I am going to do anything right in my life. Also, I been SLACKING on the gym, and as much as I hate to admit this (and Barrington, aka Mr Be The Better, will screen shot this because he Remy Ma petty), I need to work out and eat right, consistently. When people say mind, body, and soul, that sh*t is no joke. My body and soul been craving more and it threw my mind for a loop, and let's be honest, it wasn't too stable in the first place.  I realize I have been doing the most and giving myself back the least. 

So, if you been out here still doing amazing with your schedule and such, congrats. You deserve it. It's not easy. For my fellow fall off-ers, let's hit reset, and let's be kind to our self that we needed to.  Be cognizant of your humanity.

Look at me with your third eye

So my favorite make-up artist brought to my attention this Chakra test. It a series of questions that lets you know which chakras are open and which are under active, and you should focus on to feel more balanced. Still confused what the f*ck a chakra is? I got you.

A mindful minute

So my birthday weekend, I went to a meditation class. It was about focus (which as I've stated previously, is something I am always in need of). One of the exercises was to slowly rub your hand together to bring yourself back to the present. I was actually shocked. Who would have thought such a simple act can regroup you. So about once a day, when I'm feeling overwhelmed or like I'm drifting, I stop, and rub my hands together for a minute. Just concentrating on my the feeling. For a little extra boost, I put my focus oil blend on my palms, then rub, and then take a deep breathe to regroup. Give it a try. It's a great way to do some quick self care without looking crazy around your co-workers.

Martin Luther The King

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase" - Martin Luther King, Jr.

The bible be knowing

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear expects punishment. The person who is afraid has not been made perfect in love" - 1 John 4:18.

I'm a rat, but I don't f*ck with them

The lunar new year and Chinese new year were this past Saturday. As much as I love a horoscope, I never really paid much attention to the Chinese zodiac. One of my coworkers is Chinese and gave us a lesson while we were at (read - avoiding) work. It was actually eerily accurate. In case you are curious... Calculate yours here. FYI, don't go by the year. If you are January/early February, you might be considered the year before. In case you were wondering, I am a wood rat.

The way Kathie Lee needed Regis, that's the way I need Jesus...

So, I think I have mentioned how oblivious I am at times. Some times, in my own bubble I forget how the world is living. I sure it's a defense mechanism for the empath in me cause when I do get involved, is a deep emotional involvement. There is really no middle ground. No gray. 

One of my bubbles were popped about 12 hours ago. I have been trying to avoid news stories and any real Trump updates. It's been a week and a half of denial that he is the president of the country I reside in. Last night, after an amazing day, I decided to turn on the news and deal with the reality that was the world we lived in. 

I cried like someone died.  

To see the protests. The anguish of people just wanting to be reunited with their loved ones, but can not because they have faith in a higher power different than one most people of this land are used to, was just a little more than I could bear.  I spent the tossing and turning and between sleep I woke up wondering what I could do beside pray. I was frustrated because as powerful as I know prayer is, it didn't seem actionable. Then I woke up to an epiphany (ha!):

Prayer works because we believe in it. Praying without faith is like having a conversation with with the wall. It doesn't really leave the room. 

​No matter who our higher power is, even if it is our self, the believe in the power if the highest good is what drives results. It is what gets us through. It is the foundation. So no, my epiphany wasn't an action plan. My epiphany is to trust that God heard my prayers and hold on to my faith until I am presented with a solution, because I know its coming.​

Your self needs help with self care?

A lot of people say to me they aren't sure what their self care regimen should look like. Honestly, to me, it's deliberately giving yourself moments of joy. Also, making sure to maintain a good state of mentality. I ran across this Daily Self Care Schedule, with some good check-in questions to ask yourself to make sure you are mentally and emotionally right. Give it a try and see how it works for you

And even at the White House we pull up in the backyard..

The weeks after my birthday have been a whirlwind and I needed all my mental capacity to really get through it. I can't be out here telling y'all about self-care and how to try to live better lives and not actually practice it myself. And as I sit here blasting No Ceilings (see subject) and write this email, I feel so refreshed and ready for the week and to spread the positivity, so the break was worth it.

So, if you follow me on IG stories/snap, you know my week last week was a real mess. For those who don't let me recap:

Monday - Someone (like an employee) at job 2 out of 3 stole my phone. But when I set the find my iPhone alert off they got scared and threw it in a garbage (and their aim off cause it landed behind the garbage... but that's my petty talking)... That's where I found it. 

Tuesday - 5 meetings, a stressful work event, and a 3 hour excel course. And I ate a small beef stew that set off my Wednesday. 

Wednesday - Food poisoning/stomach bug/the official sign I can't eat red meat. Still to be determined but I saw the light...

Thursday - I was on the team for an event in D.C. in the midst of setting up for Trump's inauguration Thanking Obama. So stress levels were higher than Lil Wayne.

Friday - waking up at 6am to drive back from D.C., work a full day, and coming home to some very annoying issues.

So, if you knew me a few years ago... around Wednesday I would have been singing Take me to the King. I would have been over it all and either shut down, or my negative thoughts would have been on 1000. Hiding in bed wondering where I went wrong in life. And although I was stressed, I wasn't upset. I realized how blessed I was. I pushed through and it was worth it. I was apart of an amazing event, got some time to think and hash out some stuff in my head, and I got a reminder that my friends are really the best. If that ain't growth, I don't know what is. And I'm sure the reasoning for this is waking up every day with a grateful heart. 

If you get nothing else from these emails, please know that deliberate gratitude will change your life.

21 things to stop doing

 Stolen from twitter.

I said what I said

I know I told y'all not to set resolutions, but these can be the exception.

Get you a GroupMe that can do both

Despite the obvious nonsense that ensues in every one's group chat that makes us pray technology doesn't betray us and post our messages on a big screen like that episode of Empire (sorry if that's a spoiler), mine are often filled with insightful gems. The one filled with my partners in thug pose crime hit me with "Give me a word that sums up your goal for 2017" (Shout out to Patrice K.). Mine was growth. I think the place I am at is pretty damn amazing and I am so appreciative of my space. My goal is to keep the momentum going and nurture the seeds I have planted. What's your word?

Queen

Did you see Michelle Obama's exit interview with Oprah? If not, please let her inspire your life. She is definitely the prototype, and if you didn't guess, obviously a Capricorn :)

You what's up girl, ain't gotta ask it... I dead em all now, I buy the caskets

I think about my funeral a lot. (Yea, we are going here).

Note: So this email is in no way a cry for help, depression or whateva. I'm actually the happiest I have ever been in my whole life. If you had even a twinge of concern, thank you but chill. lmao

Like my death in general, but not dying because I'm scared (cause I'm honestly not. I think I live my best life and I am not a malicious person and I am pretty positive God sees my efforts so heaven is a strong possible and the thought of not having to pay Sallie Mae no more is lit). I think about how my death will affect those around me. I even think about how people would feel/reaction if they get a call saying I was in a the hospital and they weren't sure if I'd make it. I know, it's sick.

I guess if we are trying to look at it positively, what will my legacy or impact be. I literally spend nights in bed thinking about the stories people might share when I can't hear. Wondering what their favorite or memorable times/attributes about me are. I'm not even sure why. I think part of it has to do with my Love Language being Words of Affirmations (in case you missed the "what's your love language" email). Nothing makes me happier that hearing how I make people feel. Even if it's not positive because then I can evaluate and change if necessary. Sounds a bit narcissistic but whatever, you don't get these emails for me to be fake. My favorite part of my birthday (T-minus 3 days) are the sappy things my friends post and the heartfelt texts and emails (note: this is not a solicitation of these things. I love them but only if the person is really compelled to. No pressure lol). I am also SUPER oblivious so I like direct and clear statements, so knowing exactly how I impact people's life is just something I obsess over. And somehow it manifests to a funeral because I'm a real life crazy Capricorn *insert upside down smiley face emoji here*.

So, now that y'all know exactly how much of a lunatic I really am, I say all that to remind y'all a few things that have hit me in the past few days of pre-32 reflection. The obvious "Give the flowers while they can still smell them" cliche (but oh so relevant because cliches come from somewhere). I've lost a friend where the last thing I said to him was me yelling at him a few days before  he committed suicide because he was being a sloppy and annoying drunk and 10 years later it may be my only regret. I've lost my grandpa and the last thing I said to him was I love him and I hold that as one of my best decisions in life. So yea... give them flowers. Metaphorically and literally (Trader Joe has dope bouquets for like 6 cash. I get myself one a week.)

But also, live every day in your legacy. I'm annoying but I don't want to leave any one's life without making it a touch better than when I entered it. When I envision my funeral, I imagine a packed church, people crying (I don't want people to cry but I know its inevitable so I'm not even telling people not to), and people coming up and sharing stories about me. Despite the obvious atmosphere of sadness, I want the church to be filled with love. And I hope the resounding theme is "Sioban made my life just a little happier to live". Oh and henny. Make. Sure. There. Is. Henny. And a fire playlist. Thanks.

Hope that wasn't too emo for y'all.

Self Care for the New Year

Listen, this could be a topic every week. Take care of yourselves. Make yourself a priority. Make a 5 minute routine daily that you do something that is for yourself and makes you happy. Every morning I take 5 minutes and drink my coffee at home sitting down listening to music or thinking of my to do list. I use my train ride to read my bible and catch up on recreational reading. I schedule salt baths, and yes, I do add rose petals into it (and a rose quartz but that might be too far for some of you. Baby steps). Make yourself a self care routine. Please.... mi beg yuh. I just want y'all to be happy. 

Put 2016 in some rice

2016 was just.... Boy. I don't even got words... But we lost Prince and gained Trump. That sums up the tragedy as best I can. However, one of my favorite quotes is a "bad day doesn't equal a bad life" so lets substitute the "day" for year and regroup. Celebrate that we made it out this jawn (and pray we continue to since we got 5 more days). Don't let this year pass by without identifying at least 3 things you made it through and 3 moments that made this year worth it. Then take a celebrations shot. (if you pregnant, get you a shot of apple juice).

#GoalDigger

So, I'm serious about this goal thing. Here are some things to help move from resolutions to healthy attainable goals. 

*Plays Nicki Minaj Moment for Life*

Moment For Life by Nicki Minaj is actually one of my top 5 feel good songs. Maybe just top five songs. Period. 

New years are always super reflective for me. It's a fresh start. Yes, I know there is the "Start today", "Don't wait for the new year to make change" blah blah blah. I like milestones... so move.  There is something about a fresh slate that is so motivating to me. 

Plus, it's my birthday (that countdown is 11 days away) and I think about not only the new year but the new age. As I move deeper in to my 30's (32 to be exact - my Shaq year), how can I not be reflective. DAWG, IT'S 32. I'm a whole ass adult. I pay bills, and have responsibilities, some of which require other human lives, and if that doesn't give you pause, I don't know what will.

But, I think we put too much pressure on the new year as well - I know. I make no sense. But seriously... we give ourself a day to basically turn into someone that is completely different from who we currently are. I'm all for being our best authentic selves but I can't get jiggy with torturing ourselves because we feel we aren't good enough. That we aren't deserving of pleasures. This is why I don't make resolutions. Definition of resolution: "a firm decision to do or not to do something" or "the action of solving a problem, dispute, or contentious matter". That don't sound aggressive as shit?. That's why instead, I make goals.  That way I am currently working actively to improve myself instead of feeling like I'm behind on achieving. This year, take some time and think of the things you really want to manifest, and positively work towards them.

And, if you don't do anything else, make the goal to love yourself unconditionally. Once that happens, everything falls into place.

Quick note

Someone called this email my super power. I was kinda floored. This is probably my imposter syndrome still in my system. But what a statement. I'm taking this into the new year to get right.

Summer bodies are made in the winter

For all those who are has a better body on your resolutions/goals for 2017 list, check out #BeTheBetter: 30:00. One of the hardest parts for me is that if I have no instruction, working out have me looking like:

 

​I just be looking around at all the machines and wondering if I am doing it right, if people know I don't have no clue what I'm doing and are like "this heffa". But with this work schedule, making my usual classes or fitting in time to train is harder than finding extra money during this season. I have done this plan two times at home already and I am so grateful for the direction. Also, grateful I wont look like a red panda come May.

Awkward black girl

So I have always said, I'm super awkward. Things just put me in strange emotional spaces and I don't know how to respond. I get flustered and I'm just weird. I read this article and now I'm evaluating whether my awkwardness is really anxiety. "I have the type of anxiety that people praise. It's the type that makes me a perfectionist, the one person that everyone relies on during a group project, a prima ballerina and a straight-up over-achiever. I'm never late. Organization game is 100. I've got an incredible memory". And this is where I realized this complete stranger was subbing me. I actually used to have really bad anxiety and anxiety attacks til I was about 26. I actually couldn't get on elevators alone, and I would still try to convince people to take steps. I used to walk 13 flights of Coop city stairs every time I went to my best friend's house so I wouldn't have to take the elevator when I was alone. I thought I was over it, but reading this article, Im looking into whether I just have a milder, socially acceptable form. 

With that, I also had a discussion this weekend where the topic of black people always feeling like they shouldn't celebrate because we haven't done anything to celebrate for. Like we punish ourselves for motivation. Then the article hit me with this line...  

"Suffering is not an inherent part of the black experience."

CHILLLLLLLLLE. Take that. Process it. And pray to your higher power for forgiveness.

Nah, you do what with them?

*To all my male readers, I apologize in advanced* 

 Most people know I am a big supporter of Yoni eggs. I have been practicing with them for about 2 years and have about 7 (ok 8) total. One of my favorites, Regina Hall, went on Conan and gives a quick (and funny) rundown of yoni egg. If you were ever curious about yoni eggs, see Regina's explanation. Guys, maybe you should watch the video.... a lot of women are getting into these.

Y'all really let me get a microphone

So, the Insecure viral video still won't die. So much that it got my friends invited on a podcast. And when I say my friends... I mean me included. Someone really gave me a platform to be ignorant. *whispersandIactuallykindalikedit* Here is the full episode. I start at about 50 minutes in because I was at work and came late (don't act shocked). Can't wait to get y'all comments. lol

Make it happen

Have I told y'all how dope my friends are? This time it's a little more literal. Lol. One of my favorite DJ's (and from twitter to real life friend) Olivia Dope got featured on xoNecole site about turning her side hustle into a full fledged SUCCESSFUL career. In case you needed some motivation to keep it pushing... here y'all go.

Growth

Recap: I went to Maryland for a mini (I use this word loosely) Temple reunion, and it was just what my overworked soul needed. It was amazing food (provided by Ted Mack Food Shack) and positive vibes. It felt like the best of kickbacks in undergrad. I couldn't have asked for a better weekend. Even the drive back up to NY with the Waffle House detour was great.

But, this weekend could have went so different. Thanksgiving day wasn't the best. It was my first day off in a while, and I woke up late and thought I could relax and just enjoy the day. I got to my family's house to a literal written list of chores. Then my mom spilled a pan of cold bacon grease on my fresh out the box UGG boots. Like I hadn't even had them on my feet an hour yet. The UGGs I bought myself cause I been working my life away. My #TreatYourself gift. I. Almost. Reacted. But then I remembered, I needed to be grateful. I had the means to buy these UGGs, and actually buy a new pair. I also had my mother (as annoying as she is) present to piss me off. And as someone who only has one living biological parent, I take that fact for granted way too much. So I took a deep breath and said "It's OK... Don't worry about it mommy." And a miracle happened...(Miracle may be a strong word but let me rock). I noticed my mother was really remorseful. Usually my reactions *coughtempercough* to things she does causes her to go in full Gemini defensive mode. She was so sad she ruined the UGGs, she even offered to pay. My grandma and aunts stopped setting the dinner table to try to clean it... (on the second cleaning attempt one of my aunts used baking soda and dawn and scrubbed them like  a cast iron pot and really destroyed them... but I digress). They tried. I realized, despite how much I feel I got to do things alone, I got people to help. If I just let them.

Playing the victim on an obvious mistake would have created such a different tone for my weekend. And that would have been the real tragedy. So not am only am I grateful for my family, friends, and my weekend, but I am definitely grateful for growth... cause 2012 Sioban would have been a different story.

Google me baby

So I participated in a Refinery29 article talking about how women perceive other women. Some of the pics may not be safe for work (NSFW in case you didn't know the acronym), but.. it not like porn. So when you have some time, take a look at the article (men this is NOT a women only article... so you might wanna look too).

First of all I'd like to thank my connect...

So, I'm at work. And you may be like "It's the middle of the day on Monday... where the hell else you gonna be?". I'm actually supposed to be off. I worked an overnight shift last night, and am working an evening shift today, so I took today off from TED to rest and use up these vacay days that are expiring by the end of the year. But we have an event coming up, and I just felt the tasks tugging at my soul. So I got up, and came into the office. Luckily I did, cause its a mess and when they saw me walk in 3 meetings popped up on my calendar. I'm here on 1.5 hours of sleep and prayer (and of course lots of coffee). I was complaining about how I have no support, and how much I work because I'm the only one who knows how to run these systems...

Then I checked myself. I remembered just a little over a year ago when I was at a job I hated, underpaid, worked even harder, and no real potential for growth, no support from my manager, and feeling like I wasn't valuable to my company (which, in all actuality, wasn't really a feeling cause I got laid off... so like... a fact. lol). How can I be ungrateful a few days before a time dedicated in recognizing the abundance in my life? (I'm blaming the lack of sleep.) It's so humbling to realize that the things I fell to my knees and begged God for daily are now part of my daily routine. So, how could I complain about them? So I bought myself a dirty chai latte and thanked God for the means to buy it, threw on Beyonce pandora, and I got busy.

This week, take a minute and reflect. What are you taking for granted? What do you need to throw some gratitude in the universe for? Remember, we may not be where we want to be but thank God we aren't where we were.

Also, remember to live in a grateful space this week. And if you are struggling to think of something, take a deep breathe, long a long one that really fills your lungs... then realize you have the ability to breathe. 

Yes, I'm talking about the moon again

Not that much tho. Today the super moon. Here is the full moon ritual again, some intentions specific to this moon, and a article on this moon's meaning. Enjoy my fellow hoodrat hippies.

You need some lotion playa?

So, everyone know I pretty much live by the magic that's coconut oil. But even in the winter, that liquid gold can't keep me from looking like I was just playing on the beach. So I have to holla at Natural Natch. The site has a bunch of great things... but than Whipped Shea hair and body butter in vanilla right out the shower.... BOY.  (Guys... its also a dope beard butter... I'm just saying). 

Hone that Hippie

You ever try to meditate and next thing you know you planned your grocery list, started thinking about that time in college you and your friends took an impromptu road trip, and wonder how your ex doing.... but still ain't meditate? Yea, me either. However... if it maybe possibly did happen that one time... here is a quick article on a new way of being mindful.

All my n* dressed in that rojo... I ride for my guys, that's the bro code...

As I get deeper and deeper in my career, especially at a tech company, I realized how valuable coding and basic website knowledge is. But y'all know how expensive these curses are?!?! Dawg... I don't got three jobs cause I'm bored.  Luckily the nice nerds at my jobs hit me with an online course that they all rave about, the Dash course by General Assembly. A great intro into coding, and if you are still interested in learning more... then you can can start gathering them coins.

Imposter syndrome

So this topic of imposter syndrome has been floating around in so many convos I have lately. I may be just now noticing it, and its always been said, but I just became very aware of the term. I don't believe in coincidences, so I decided to research. I was actually pretty sure I had an idea of what it was... but when I really googled it, I def felt like the Mr. Krabs meme. The first thing that showed up:  

"Some of the most capable, intelligent, hardworking people you know might be suffering from a debilitating phenomenon—a distortion of thinking that makes them believe they're actually incompetent, unintelligent, and lazy. They're convinced they're faking their way through their accomplishments, and one day, they'll be found out—exposed as the frauds they believe themselves to be.   

It's called imposter syndrome. Those who struggle with it 'maintain a strong belief that they are not intelligent; in fact they are convinced that they have fooled anyone who thinks otherwise,' as it was first described in a 1978 study by psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes that focused on high-achieving women. "

BIIIIIIIIIHHHHH. If imposter syndrome was a legit disability, 'Murica would owe me almost 32 years of back checks *insert 100 emoji here*​. I literally was like "this legit?" Isn't this something I have mentioned in multiple emails feeling like, "I'm not sure why y'all reading this. I really ain't ish?" All of you who knew exactly what it is, y'all fake as hell for not telling me. And its not just me. I've heard at least 20% of the people on this mailing list mention some form of imposter syndrome. Some of the smartest, most talented people I know, doubting themselves. Then I thought of all the opportunities I self sabotaged because I didn't believe in my own abilities. How many times I fished for a compliment or reassurance from a friend to move forward, masked in form of "advice". How many genuine compliments I didn't appreciate because I thought people were just "being nice" or  saying it "cause they loved me" (which in hindsight I shouldn't have thought that cause all my friends are jerks and ration compliments to me like food in the zombie apocalypse)  

So the conclusion is we are all crazy.

Trump is really our president...

On some real, I STILL am in shock. But a very aware denial kinda shock. Like when you know someone has passed away, but you are holding out for a miracle (Prince, Whitney, Michael... etc). But, nope. We are here. And I'm not saying to move on. But we need to move forward. Prepare and educate ourselves because nothing can be changed about election results as of right now except our mindset.

In the midst of all this, I made the sleep deprived decision, while working my overnight, at 3 am, to watch 13th. Because I obviously, I am a glutton for punishment. But it was SO necessary. I won't add any spoilers... but if you do watch, try to watch with someone. You're going to need some comfort after. The one thing I will mention is a part, with Trump talking. It made me have to hide my face because I was worried security would see me weeping on the camera and come check on me.

A self care guide...

Keeping God First

1 Corinthians 13 (always)

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart; don't rely on your own intelligence. Know him in all your paths and He will keep your ways straight" Proverbs 3:5-6

"I've commanded you to be brave and strong haven't I? Don't be alarmed or terrified, because the Lord your God is with you wherever you go" Joshua 1:9

"But not only that! We even take pride in our problems, because we know that trouble produces endurance, endurance produces character, and character produces hope" Romans 5:3-4

Crystals
Turquoise helps you heal. Bloodstone gives you energy. Smoky quartz helps you let go. Rose quartz cultivates love. Carnelian is good for creativity. Quartz crystal works wonders in clearing the mind. Celestite relieves stress. Citrine helps to live in the now. Aventurine attracts new opportunities.

Light it up
Burn some herbs today to help clear negative energy: Sage (especially white) bring wisdom calming and positivity. Its the most common. Lavender, Rosemary, Sweetgrass, and Palo Santo (actually a wood stick) are also great things to use. If you want more info, google smudging. 

Y'all smell that?
 Aromatherapy is so helpful. Its is a quick and cheap way to snap back. Try the oils but surrounding yourself with these scents in teas, flowers, any form, is proven to help.  Rose (my fave): the queen of oils to help with all stress issues. Lavender: soothing; builds solidarity and strength. Bergamot: calming; relieves mild anxiety. Marjoram: provides relief from emotional pain and grief. Chamomile: calming, soothing, medicinal.  Lemon: gentle and refreshing. Geranium: cheery; helps to improve downward spiraling moods. Cinnamon: its sweetness invites you to love what you do for work. Fennel: helps you be kind to yourself. Rosewood: allows love flow to the heart center. Ylang Ylang: releases anger and frustration. Jasmine: relaxing.

Season yourself (I couldn't think of anything better and it made me laugh)
 Salt baths (Epsom and Himalayan are my favorites), are great stress relievers and detoxifiers (I'm not even sure if this is a word. Roll with it). Take one, throw some drops of one of the above mentioned oils, burn some of the above mentioned herbs (or burn some other not mentioned herbs *emoji eyes*), play some music, and regroup. 

If you guys need me, I am here. I'm sending light through all your inboxes. Don't let hate rule you. 

Amor Omnia Vincit - Love Conquers All

The revolution WAS televised. Last night. It just wasn't ours.

Sometimes, I have super vivid dreams. So vivid that when I wake up and it didn't happen I'm actually confused and a little disoriented because it feel like the world just changed up on me. I dreamed Hillary won and we were all scared for nothing.

Then when I woke up to 237 GroupMe messages, I knew Hillary winning was a dream. And now we were living in a nightmare. 

And I'm not going to sit here and lie to you. I woke up in shock. Still in disbelief I lived in a world where people WANTED Donald Trump to make life altering decisions for 320 million. Then as I got on the train. I got mad. Real mad. People with smirks on, I wanted to slap fire out of. Like they were internally celebrating a victory. Saying "Ha! We won". I don't get mad easily but today, I pretty much was playing "Knuck If you buck" repeat in my head. 

The air has shifted and I can feel it in my bones. 

However, God sent some messages through Tracy G. (she'd legit my friend but at this point I might be able to be labeled as a stan.)

"Can't allow these election results to morph our energy into a hate that can be confused for the same hate within our opponents."

"Light workers, work your L I G H T"

This may be a little weird or whateva, but I know I have a purpose here. And It includes supporting and helping those around me in some way shape or form (that hasn't been narrowed down yet). So that last tweet gathered me. I heard young interns at my job say "This is our 9/11 and my heart sank. 

Then I realized how tunnel vision I was being. I was mad for being a black woman. Then I thought about my friends who are Muslim. Or families here, that haven't finished the extensive (and expensive) process of becoming a citizen of America because this is where the opportunity to make a better life is. Or women who work so hard to provide and nurture but are degraded everyday. There are so many broken hearts in a land where the same people being discriminated against, broke their backs to create. 

So this is a special edition of the Monday emails. To say you're not alone. Take the time you need. Reach out if you need. Do whatever you NEED to be good. Self Care will be our biggest weapon in this war.

Go DJ, that's my DJ

Y'all know I love a good music mix. Especially some old school ratchet. No matter how much money I have or how established in my career I get, I'll probably always be a bird. I'm pretty much Remy Martin without the record and with a 401k. But the point of this was that one of my favorite DJ's soundcloud pops severely. Check out Genius in HD mixes to help you get through your days (The "Remember When" Volumes and "Breezy N Friends" is on rotation today). Enjoy and tried not to get in trouble for dancing in your seat.

I was on the plane with Dwayne...

Randomly, I was thinking as I was on my flight from San Francisco last week about a time I had a anxiety attack in an airport and had to have my friends Tiffany and Tassika talk me down via group chat...

I didn't fly by myself until I was 26. (26 was actually one of the biggest learning years of my life. FYI). I had of course flown many places, but I had never been on a flight without someone I knew. I had a flight to ATL for a group trip for a friend's birthday, and I was booked with my homegirl. But after the year I had (it was only February - but trust me A LOT happened in January 2011),  I called Delta and switched my flight to go into Orlando and see my sister who I hadn't seen in almost a year since she moved, and then arrive in ATL a few days earlier than planned (mind your business). It wasn't until I was sitting in Tassika's kitchen, phone still in my hand after the customer service rep already disconnected, her daughter asking me to make her a sandwich (that I realize now I never made), that reality hit I had never flown by myself. I had to keep it cool because I had just paid money to change my ticket so I couldn't do anything now. I wasn't (and still ain't) rich. *coughplustassikaandherdaughterjudgeyandtheywouldhavelaughedatmecough*

However, seeing my sister and overcoming my fears was so worth it. Everything about that trip was great and I got back home feeling unstoppable. It was the one of the biggest catalyst that has shaped the jawn writing this email. I eventually even took a job where I flew all the time alone. I probably would have been reluctant if I never pulled the trigger on that trip. Now I actually prefer to fly alone. I got a rhythm lol. 

Every time some scary ish threaten to hold me back, I think of the whole year of 2011 (when I was 26) and realize... if I can get through that... I can get through anything.  But, is a little fear bad? Fear really is one of the sneakiest mother f*ckers around. It can shape shift into anything like an animorph. People who are cold hearted are usually scared to be vulnerable. People who are always in relationships are usually scared of being alone. People who are workaholics usually have a fear of being broke. People who are complacent usually have a fear of rejection. Etc...(These are obviously generalizations, but I'm trying to make a point so move). However, as my jawn Tracy G. put into perspective, fear is kinda necessary. We can't get rid of it. So once we accept it and face it head on, that's when we really move forward. Use fear to drive you, not drown you.

"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." - Nelson Mandela

I get called Bruja too much

(Bruja is the Spanish word for witch FYI. I'm not offended at all I just think its funny. Plus, if I was a witch you think I'd have three jobs and be single? Tuh.)  

Anyhoot, back to this New Moon Ritual (I also put this in a google doc). It's about setting intentions and manifesting the things you want. So recap: Full Moon = releasing. New Moon = gaining. Each moon has different meaning, and as mentioned above, my twitter obsessions has provided some good ones. The New Moon was Sunday so you have until tonight to do it so go grab a new notebook and sorry for the short notice. If you did the full moon one, how was it?

Vulnerbility

It's November 1st. Wtf? I can't believe we are this far into the year already. October was a blur. Yet, for some reason, it always is for me. October always hold some major changes for me. October 26th was my one year anniversary here at TED. I can't grasp I have only been here a year and can't believe a year passed so quickly, simultaneously. And, I was in San Fran for a conference, and so much nonsense happened... BUT it kinda put me in the eyes of higher ups more and now I'm invited to all these meetings cause people want me "input". Plus one of my best friends are born in October, so I will say its def a favorite month of mine.

Ok, so as I am here, back at work after a day off, trying to avoid being productive, I decided to do my new moon intentions before tackling this email. I'm still kinda drained from last week and the weekend and I was just not inspired so I was actually procrastinating with the email. The new moon ritual is the exact opposite of the full moon one I mentioned in a previous posts. And, I went to MysticxLipstick page (can you tell I'm obsessed with her?), and ever so often she writes up suggested intentions that coincide with the meaning of the moon (also will be posted).

...All my moon energy non-believers... stay with me, I'm going somewhere less hippy dippy with this...

I usually do her intentions plus make up some of my own. But she read my life. I pretty much didn't have to do anything extra. Her main focus was vulnerability and intimacy. I'm sure I've said it on these emails... but those are my two biggest fears. I have such a hard time being vulnerable/intimate with people, because if they leave or use it against me, I will be heartbroken (I know from experience... this isn't a theory). Nothing hurts like someone working to gain your trust and when they gain it, they abandon you. I'm sure I also have abandonment issues... but baby steps. I've been with men for years and they knew only superficial parts of me and my life. Friends I've lost have broken my heart more than any lover (paraphrase from my soulmate).

How I'm supposed to be vulnerable when there is no promise the person is gonna stay? How? HOW?

As I got deeper and more real in my being a better person journey, deliberately opening up to people without the fear of abandonment or rejection has been something I knew I had to tackle. I always say I don't think anyone really 100% know me, even my closest friends, but as I got older, I realized it's no ones fault but my own. I always was the type to feel alone in a room full of people (though I played it off well if I do say so myself), and then I realized, I only felt that way cause I separated myself to avoid awkwardness, and the exposed feeling of opening up.

What's the point of all of this? Nothing really. You know I don't got the answers.... I work in customer experience, not psychology. However, I'm sharing this because I think (hope) that I am not the only one. I think our generation (and maybe the one above us - hence high divorce rates) is so scared of being hurt, we aren't 100% genuine and we are building relationships on an incomplete foundations. As you look at things you can work on to be a better you, especially for the New Year, look at being comfortable with being open, and not fearing vulnerability. Its one of the cores of being human.

One more thing, if you realize someone is being vulnerable with you, don't abuse that power please. Also, your vulnerability is a gift that not everyone deserves, so you don't have to open up to everyone (guess that two more things huh?). 

Ok that's all. Be gentle with each other and yourselves.

Self Care (not the freaky kind)

I mentioned this blog quite a few times. But Black creatives has really has some gems. One of which is The Day to Day Ministry of Self Care. As someone who willingly has three jobs (yes I know), self care HAS to be a priority. Or else yall gonna see me walking down Lenox looking like I just came from a casting call for extras on The Walking Dead. Plus I get grumpy when I'm sleepy and unbalanced.

Life came at you fast huh?

How resilient people get through really hard times

When you realize #F*ckItFriday is turning into an everyday thing

11 habits unproductive people have to break

Baby you don't know... what you do to me...

Between me and you... I feel a chemistry... (my friends first dance song... keep reading...)

Writing you all from a JetBlue flight on the way to San Fran. I just had a long day yesterday. I was still drunk off excitement (and rum punches with wray and nephew) at seeing one of my favorite people marry her best friend (then work got real and reminded me I had a conference the next day). But, it was the kinda of wedding where you watched how much they loved each other and you wanted to block everyone in your phone cause you just KNOW they ain't s*. Where someone text you and you roll your eyes in the Uber home. The kinda love where any thoughts you might have had about settling were wiped away with the happy tears you shed.

I get asked at least 3 times a week (seriously) why I am single. My usual answer is "IDK but I'm sure I have a few men I used to date that would give you a list." *coughsomeofyallknowthemcough* But, in reality, the answer varies. Some days I think it's cause I ain't ish (leave me alone. No one is positive every minute of every day. Anyone who is a psychopath. IDC IDC IDC). Other days, I think its cause cause everyone is crazy (other days = every day). But days like this.... these special days where the magic of love is in the air heavy, I'm reminded that if he's not gonna rap Ja Rules part on "Put it on me" and gas me to spit Vita's, I don't want it. Settling is not an option.

The new year is coming up, and one of my biggest goals is not to settle. Not just with significant others, cause honestly, that's not a priority as of right now, but just in life. I think of all the times I settle for a wack meal because I didn't want to go the extra mile to get it from that special place, or up my work out to justify it. Or the times I bought the ok dress because I didn't want to spend the extra money on myself ( which is crazy because if I don't deserve me spending my own money on me then who does?). A lot of times we say we don't want to settle but don't want to put in the work to deserve what we THINK we deserve. How you want the God and the universe to go the extra mile to provide but you're not willing to do the same?

 So as I hit you with this late email, I hope you take a look at where you feel is life is lacking a little, and evaluate if the lack is really on your end. (Sometimes life is just life and it isn't your fault... and that where you can't lack on the patience and prayer).

Note - And if y'all have any tall single friends that listen to Ja Rule and aren't Aquarius or African, show them my IG :)

Friendly reminder or gentle wake up call

 7 Life Lessons You Shouldn't Wait Your Whole Life to Learn

Oh, we were talking about friends right?

25 ways to be a true friend

Yes, I'm still talking about signs

So this girl I found on Twitter, @mysticxlipstick is pretty much reading everyone for filth on their sign in relationships. I met her over the summer and she is actually a pretty dope person and not some loon (which there a few of in the hippie world lol). So I figured I'd share her "get you s*t together in relationships" threads. This also gives you a little insight into bae's crazy... if you have one.   Capricorn, Aquarius, Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio. She hasn't done all the signs in relationships but here is something to hold you over until your turn of shade Pisces. Sagittarius part 1 and Sagittarius part 2. " Why you attract that sign"... Enjoy *coughthestresscough*!

Show up

I took on a side gig for some extra income and I been working like crazy. I pretty much have time for work and sleep. And the sleep part a little shaky. As this goes on, I have to prioritize life. Find time for the things that matter. And I know we always use that cliche saying when we feel like we are being slighted by others, but when all your time is pre-scheduled, you literally have to search for time for doing the laundry, grocery shopping, and people. 

These past few weeks, I really have had to take a hard look at the people in my life who add value and prioritizing. I missed an event of 1 of the most significant people in my life and it literally left a little pain in my heart. I know she still had an amazing time and probably didn't even miss me (not in a shady way but because she was still showered with love), but even the thought that she may kinda sorta think she isn't as much of a priority than she is kinda left me temporarily depressed.

I am very big on showing up. I try to do it as much as possible because I know how heavily I appreciate it when other show up for me. Maybe its the hippie in me who just appreciates the supportive energy being close, or the love in the air (yes, I am a sap). But, as we get older, and our circle of friends get smaller and more intimate, take the time to show up and show appreciation for the ones you love/care about/hold a special place in your heart. It's kinda crazy we have to schedule love, but I promise you it is worth it.

Ok, my mini life lesson for the week is done

Rekindle swindle

Those "Long time no speak" texts always roll in. My solution is usually block them but here's an alternative. 

FaceTime

They stress affects your skin big time. But we are adults, we have multiple streams of stress and other random things affecting us. How are we supposed to target the problem? Try face mapping to help find the solution.

In the stars

People are still asking me about astrology charts from an email in like April, so when I saw this simpler version, I saved it for you guys.

Trying to be a better person every day

Everyone who knows me knows I been trying to be a better person since January 6th, 1985 at 1:12 pm (I was born at 1:11). One book I really enjoyed on the journey was the 7 Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra. Here are the cliffs notes.

Mo' money

My review is coming up (like in 3 months but I'm a crazy Capricorn who's been worrying about it from like 2 months ago), and I'm stressing over how I ask for a raise. I've never really done that before. I been researching how to approach this meeting that's giving me more stress than African men (I'm petty. God still working on me. Sorry). Forbes had this article that brought my nerves down a bit on How to ask for a raise. Go get that paper.

Be deliberate about your day

One of my biggest realizations (and challenges) as an adult is realizing that yes, prayer and positivity change things, but in conjunction with deliberate (*looks at title of blog*) action. Good things can and should be created. Here are some tips on Manifesting a Good Day.

But God.

I've sent a few videos from my favorite Bedside Baptist church, Alfred Street Baptist Church. Here, his sermon is "Lemonade", talks about not letting bad situations and people hinder who you are. "You letting people kill you cause you don't hold fast to your character." "Life happens to everybody"

I love you.

(yea it's gonna be one of those posts)

Can you remember the last time someone said I love you? We may be loved, but sometimes it's obviously implied, but hardly deliberately expressed. 

I sat in bed (on a night I worked 13 hours and had two more coming up and had not an ounce of business being up) and I could not remember the last time someone said I love you with any certainty. (As I type and give some real thought, it was you Janine). That bothered me. I knew people loved me. Shit, some people love me and I just be like "really?". But I guess with a love language of "words of affirmation", it wasn't resonating how it should. I also think people think because of the fact that people are well known or always cheery and smiling they must be overwhelmed by love regularly and don't think it's needed from them, because obviously, someone is telling them. (Kind of like the bystander effect by Malcom Gladwell in the tipping point)

Also, we may be taking for granted being loved. Maybe we don't remember because it just isn't something we cherish as much as we should. 

I love everyone receiving reading this. Some of you I don't know that well but a little bit of my soul goes into these posts every time I write them. I wish everyone a better holistic well being with every tap of my keyboard. I don't rush these emails because I want every thought to be authentic. I'm vulnerable as all hell in some of these emails and if you know me you know that it's scary AF.

If that ain't love bih....

Very personal story: My dad passed away when my mom was about a month or two pregnant with me. My grandpa retired to basically be my nanny while my mom went to school and worked two jobs. He is the person I spent the most time with growing up. He the reason I can put together Ikea furniture with ease and probably why I act like a boy most of the time. He was my dad. My grandpa. My teacher. My personal chef. And a lot of times my annoyance (as with everyone we love). 

He became very ill when I was in high school and seeing him, my hero, weak and knowing I was losing him was something I couldn't bear. This went on for about 12 years. I visited less than I am proud of. The last time I saw him, he was at the hospital recovering from a minor infection and they said he would be home soon. He looked good (compared to a lot of other times) and was even joking around. I almost didn't go that day cause I was exhausted but I knew he had been asking for me. I told him I love loved him as I left and kissed his hand and forehead. He usually just takes it with no response but this time he squeezed my hand and told me "love me too poo poo" (it was his very weird nickname for me that I didn't know it had an alternate meaning til I was like 13). My family isn't very affectionate or emotional and I'm a big ball of emotions so his response was shocking but it filled my heart.  That was the last exchange we ever had.

Nothing has hit me harder than the moment they told me he was gone, 4 days later. Even as I write this a year and a half later I'm bawling. (Side note- time doesn't heal DEEP wounds... the real cuts. You just get better at coping and get used to the scars). The only thing that brought me an ounce of solace (other than friends), was knowing that he knew I loved him and that he loved me too.

Now this was not to make any one's day sad. Or have y'all emailing me I love you's (though I'll take them if they're genuine). This was just a reminder that we all need to be a bit more mindful of the giving and receiving of love. 

Ok. Now on to the stuff that doesn't give me anxiety to share...